“Why Went Ye Nigh the Wall…”

As much as I despise restrictions, I’ve learned an ever-important fact: they’re unavoidable. Inescapable. – And vitally essential.  

I can remember as a small boy, sitting near the fire place in a tiny, crowded, dusty old living room, staring fixated at a huge Zenith T.V. Its clothes-hanger-antennae, wrapped in aluminum foil, forking toward the ceiling like the rabbit ears they took their name from. I watched in rapt wonder as the black and white screen displayed the cowboy, as he sat lazily atop his gorgeous, golden palomino stallion, strumming his guitar, white hat cocked gleefully to the side, singing…
 
Oh, give me land, lots of land, under starry skies above
Don’t fence me in
Let me ride through the wide-open country that I love
Don’t fence me in
 
Let me be by myself in the evenin’ breeze
Listen to the murmur of the cottonwood trees
Send me off forever… But I ask you please!
Don’t fence me in!​

​As I watched in awe, my mind was racing… The country side! The rolling hills and plains that filled the backdrop as he sang! The freedom to ride the wild country like a real cowboy! I could hear the saddle creaking and smell the horse sweat as he sang on…
 
Just turn me loose, let me straddle my old saddle 
Underneath the western skies
On my cayuse, let me wander over yonder
Till I see the mountains rise
 
And then the iconic verse I could never forget…
 
I want to ride the ridge where the west commences
Gaze at the moon till I lose my senses
Can’t look at hobbles and I can’t stand fences
Don’t fence me in!
 
I was less than a decade old, but I had ridden enough ponies, and been hemmed in by boundaries enough to already know - I hated… fences. 

​I always wanted to go over there… It seems I had a natural born desire to go where I was told not to. The other side of the road. Across the tree line. Past the gulley. Over the fence. Somehow, I just knew that the really grand adventures lay in the forbidden zone…  And of course, my parents were just old fogeys that didn’t want me to have any fun. At such a young age I never considered the dangers of wandering too far…

As I grew up, I realized that life is made up of markers seen and unseen, boundaries, and restrictions, “fences” in every area of our life. And all of them aren’t there just to prevent us from having the adventure of a lifetime. 

I can remember my dad giving me a curfew. I had to have the car back home by midnight. He would always say something like, “Son, nothing good ever happens after midnight. There’s no reason for you to be out past it.” I somehow knew that the world lit up magically after midnight, and the sky rained down its wonders and the trees sang majestically and all the girls got prettier and friendlier and the cops all went to bed and the food was delicious and… curfew.
 
Of course, I was an idiot. I realized once I got old enough to stay out past midnight that daddy was right. Nothing good ever happens past it. The cops get meaner, the food sours, the girls get uglier and I got sleepy. And usually ended up doing something regretful. But hey! I had crossed the fence! Looking back, there have been several times in my life when I would have been much better off never going near the wall…
 
In medieval times, and even earlier in Biblical times, battle strategist knew that some areas in a siege were to be avoided. In King David’s day, before the catapult and cannons and other siege warfare instruments had been invented, you stayed away from the wall… Walls had parapets that allowed those inside to shoot their bows from an elevated, protected position. There were areas designated for casting heavy stones down or pouring hot oil down upon the invading army… You didn’t get close to the wall. 
 
In a battle taking place in the second book of Samuel, Joab knew this, and knew that King David would ask the question posed in my title, “Why went ye nigh the wall?” Of course, Joab in this instance had an ulterior motive – to get Uriah murdered (as you can read in 2 Samuel 11). Dreadful things always happened close to the wall. 
 
I don’t know how many times I’ve gotten into trouble in my life, because I went too close to the wall. The fence. The boundary. And as I’ve counseled others, I can hear the failure coming as they describe ignoring the boundaries, crowding the fences, living on the edge, going beyond the restrictions that were in place for their protection… “We were only going to have a few drinks and then drive home…”; “I thought just a little internet chatting wouldn’t hurt anything…”; “The road was wet, but I had driven it so many times - I didn’t slow down, thinking the curve wouldn’t be that bad…”; “I don’t really do drugs, just pot…”; “We never intended on having an affair… we were just such good friends.” 
 
On and on the stories go. People tell them that have learned what it’s really like on the other side of that fence.  
 
As much as I despise restrictions, I’ve learned an ever-important fact: they’re unavoidable. Inescapable. – And vitally essential.  
 
When I mention walls or fences, I’m talking about restrictions of any type that are placed upon us. Who doesn’t like complete freedom? Borders, walls, speed limits, curfews, bag limits, quiet zones, helmet laws, seat belts, … all are constraints. Things put in place to limit us, and most for good reason. 
 
I asked a good friend the other night, “At what point in my life am I secure enough in my character, that as a married man, I can have a female best friend?" His answer was correct. And the one I was looking for. “Never.” Only an idiot would ignore that fence. 
 
As we age (grow wiser?) we realize the necessity of these borderlines that are in our lives and then there comes a point whenever we are actually placing them on others… like our children. Now we are the ones inflicting the pain and agony of “the curfew.” It’s not because we don’t want them to have fun, it’s because we’ve learned the dangers that lurk in the shadows.
 
As my children grew up, I limited what they wore, where they went, who they were with, what they did, and for how long they did it. I placed boundaries, enforced limits, and laid out the restrictions… I don’t understand parents who can’t grasp the importance of doing the same thing.  Don’t they realize, as Mark Twain said, “An ounce of prevention (fencing) is worth a pound of cure”? 
 
Husbands and wives that “push the envelope”, test the waters, tempt fate… Ignore the rules of life that have been clearly spelled out so often. No Trespassing. Don’t cross that line. Don’t go over there. Don’t put yourself in that position. Why even get close to that wall?
 
Most fences are put in place, not just to keep us away, but to keep what’s on the other side over there…  

I have three gorgeous daughters. While they lived with me (one still does) I watched the way they dressed because I didn’t want a pervert leering in their direction. That’s the point of my restrictions on what they wore. Not because I’m an old fogey who wanted to limit their freedom of expression. 
 
The same type of reasoning is behind all of our “house rules”. Walls that are meant to keep them safe and out of danger. 
 
I realize, like Mark Atteberry says in The Samson Syndrome, “boundaries are a fact of life. And though we spend our lives grousing about them and trying to stretch them as far as possible, we must admit that we wouldn’t last long without them. With a few exceptions, boundaries are designed to keep us on track and out of trouble.”
 
Most people I know, especially those of the strong "alpha-male" personality, think boundaries are great… for others. But we live with the mindset of "we know how to handle it". And that’s what causes us to look back and realize, perhaps we should have just stayed on our side of the fence… 
 
I wonder what fences in your life have been trampled by your desire for money, power, or pleasure? Are there some things you’re doing that’re really too close to “the edge”? Things that you know God doesn’t approve of? Your spouse wouldn’t approve of? Some things that you’re having to hide? Some things that would horrify your wife and children? Why even flirt with disaster?
 
Jesus, in the Garden of Gethsemane, admonished the disciples to “watch and pray that ye enter not into temptation…” Here He placed watching ahead of praying! Maybe it’s because watching out is so important to avoiding temptation? Perhaps if we watch out, we will see the problem before we step in it. Perhaps if we don’t ignore the boundary, we won’t cross it. Maybe if we identify the proverbial “wall” we won’t get so close to it… Real men have respectable boundaries in their lives. And they stay away from them. Be a real man.